Making art while seeking perfection
I want to make art. At the beginning of every year I set a goal like "draw every day" or "watercolor once a week" thinking that some set goal will help me stick to a hobby and make it a habit. Historically, drawing and watercolors are something that I'll do every once in while, be unhappy with the results, and quit for another year until I try again.
Enter knitting. If watercolors are English class, knitting is Science. With knitting you have a pattern, you follow it, you get the results that you expect (most of the time). Sometimes you change the variables, you make a hypothesis and you come out with an unexpected result. But generally, if you follow the pattern you know what you are going to get. It's a skill that you can keep improving, you can make mistakes, but what you are making is decided before you even begin.
I've found it much easier to stick with knitting than drawing because it's measurable and predictable. When creating something subjective, like a drawing, it's much more vulnerable. You have to be proud of something that others might not enjoy. I quit art class in high school because I was worried it would drop my GPA. I didn't (and still don't) understand how you can grade art (or creative writing for that matter) other than saying that "you did it". Getting less than full credit for something that is completely opinionated seems ridiculous.
And yes, I know it says something about my mental state that I crave perfection to the point of not doing things I enjoy if I'm not good at them. This post is about trying to get better at that. I know that art is about the process and not about the results. I know that if I enjoy something I should just do it. I know that I won't have a specific style out of the gate and that I need to play around to figure out what mediums I like and what types of things I like to draw.
In recent weeks and over the summer I've been better about drawing for me. I have a tiny watercolor field set that I take on bike rides. I was only painting the view from Linda's Lookout which I now realize was an attempt to see if I got any "better" at creating a very specific view. Now I'm introducing other scenes from bike rides into that notebook because it's more fun, less procedural, and a part of the process. I've been drawing more too - filling a hand-made book crafted by my best friend with daily doodles. Something on my desk, a recent memory, something silly.
All of this to say, make things when it makes you happy. Stop striving for perfection and enjoy the ride.